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PREFACE

  “Nikki” Sammy came to my cabin looking upset.

  “Sammy what is it?” I asked her getting up from my chair.

  “Mom is admitted in hospital. I have to go see her” she answered.

  “I am coming with you”

  “No Nikki. You have to stay here. They need you in the office. It’s ok I’ll call you” I was worried for her mom because they are the only family I have.

  “You sure” she nodded and left. My day in office went slow after that. In the evening Nolan came to my cabin.

  “Hey baby” he kissed me on my lips, not the long kiss just a peck.

  “Hey” I smiled at him. I have loved Nolan from last three years now, but it still amused me how much we have evolved in these years. He was my prince charming.

  “You heard from Sammy” he asked.

  “Yes. She said her mom was doing OK and she’ll be back in three or four days”.

  “That’s good. You ready to go home”

  “Yes”

  We went to the apartment. I prepared the dinner. We were on the dining table when Nolan asked.

  “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

  “Nothing; why? Do you have any plans?” I asked him.

  “I may have” he had a faint smile on his lips. I liked it when he smiled.

  “And that is?” I knew what his plan was. Sammy saw the ring he bought for me a few days ago. This was a dream come true.

  “Be ready tomorrow. I am taking you for a dinner after the office” he got up and kissed my face.

  When we were done with the dinner, I washed the plates and cleaned the kitchen. When it was time for Nolan to leave he asked me if I’ll be fine by myself.

  “I’ll be fine Nolan. I am not a little girl. Now go” we kissed and Nolan went to his apartment. I wanted him to stay but it didn’t felt right. He never spent the night at my apartment.

  The next day when it was time for our dinner I was so excited that finally Nolan and I will be together forever. I called Sammy to check on her mom.

  “Mom is fine. You tell me are you ready for your big day” she was excited too.

  “I guess so” I heard the car horn, “Sammy Nolan is here. I have to leave”

  “I want all the detail later. Now go and get him girl. Have fun” she laughed.

  “I will. Bye” with that we hung up the phone. Nolan was waiting for me outside.

  “Hey baby. You are looking so beautiful”

  “Thank you. Where are we going?” I kissed him.

  “It’s a surprise” that surprise comes out to be Aces. We were talking when a waiter dropped juice over Nolan’s jacket by mistake.

  “I am so sorry sir” his face went red with embarrassment.

  “It’s Ok. Just be careful” Nolan excused himself to use the washroom. I was waiting for him when his phone started ringing. I ignored it a few times, but it didn’t stop. So I finally picked it up.

  “Hello Arthur. If it’s not important Nolan will give you a call later. He is out right now” I told him

  “Oh! hi Nikki. Tell him to call me when he is free”

  “Ok I will” I was going to put the phone back on the table when I saw the text. And my life was shattered in pieces I could never collect. That was the worst day of my life.

  NIGHTMARE OR REALITY

  This is wrong. This is so wrong. No-no-no this is not real; it’s just a bad dream, a nightmare. I tried to blink my eyes and rubbed my palms on my eyes. I want to wake up. But nothing happened. I am still standing outside the restaurant in tear streaked face waiting for a cab. I know I am looking horrible with the ruined makeup. The blowing wind caused a chill in my body. I want to cry so hard.

  (Ring * Ring * Ring)

  Who is calling me at this time? I am in no condition to talk to anybody. I have lost all my ability to think. My mind is in a numb place. A quick glance at my phone and it flashed the one name I am hoping not to see ‘Sammy’. But if I didn’t pick up the phone she won’t stop calling me.

  “Hello Sammy. I am in no mood to talk” I tried to say in a hoarse voice.

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me. Your special night and you are saying you don’t want to give me any detail. Seriously?” is she for real. Has she not noticed my voice and she is my best friend for crying out loud. I heard her voice again, “Come on and spill, I want everything in detail. Did he finally propose? And, where are you?” Samantha asked.

  “Yes he did and I am coming out of the restaurant. Are you happy now?” I was getting irritated with her oblivion.

  “Oh my god-Oh my god, finally he did it, did you decide the wedding date, I will be your bridesmaid, OMG what am I going to wear and what is it with the attitude?” how can she not notice my pain.

  “I found out Nolan was not my Mr. Prince charming after all” I managed to say that with a choked throat.

  “Wait. What? But you two were so good with each other” Sammy sighed.

  “Every love story don’t have a happy ending Sammy” I sighed.

  “Nikki, are you OK? Will you please tell me what is going on? You are confusing me a hell lot” she sounded confused.

  “Look can we discuss this later. I know you want to know everything, but I am totally drained, I am so damn tired, confused and all worked up. I want to take some rest. So, please stay out of it for now” If I have to talk to her about this I am going to lose what strength I have left in me. I don’t want to cry anymore than I already have.

  “You can’t do that to me” she was shouting on the phone from other side, “I want to know if you are OK or not. Or you bet your ass that I am coming back to New York in the next flight so please do me a favor and tell me what’s this all about Nichole” oh perfect so Sammy is pissed, we only call each other with full names when we are pissed.

  “Samantha, I swear I am in no condition to give you any details, I have said no, to a marriage proposal for God’s sake and my heart is hurting. Will you fucking let me be alone for a fucking day? Or is it too much to expect from you”, I know I am sounding rude but, come on I want my space for some time. I cannot deal with this emotional drama.

  “Fine, do whatever you want. I don’t give a shit” with that she hung up the phone. I know I have hurt her feelings, but she’ll be right back to normal in a day or two.

  Still feeling a little guilty over taking out my anger and hurt on my best friend. Thinking about today’s events I started feeling sick to my stomach. I feel my inner bravado slipping off me and there is this ache in my heart like someone is gripping it in a hard vise. I am angry on Nolan, angry on world and more than anything I am angry on myself. Why didn’t I see that coming? Was I dumb enough to let that happen? Why did I trust him more than he deserved? I should have been careful. I want to cry my hurt out. I don’t want to feel like this. I want to strangle him, kill him. But I won’t do any of these things I am stronger than that; I am not going to waste my tears on a jerk.

  For now, I just want my bed to cry myself out to sleep. I took a cab from the restaurant and told the driver my address, finally reaching at my apartment I paid for the cab and went straight for the lift, opening the apartment door I be lined to my bedroom took two sleeping pills from my nightstand and fell face first on my bed after that, I was enveloped in a dreamless sleep.

  THE HEARTBREAK

  Knock – Knock – Knock – Ding – Ding – Ding

  Oh my god what is that noise? Who the hell is at my door? I looked at my alarm clock; it’s only 7 am on a Sunday morning. I’m going to kill whoever is on the door with my bare hands.

  Knock – Knock – Knock – Ding – Ding – Ding

  “Whoever you are I am going kill you if you don’t stop that, go away” I shouted from my bed like they can hear it from behi
nd the main door. And what the hell is about knocking and the doorbell in that way, is it some kind of musical concert. My head is hurting so bad.

  Knock – Knock – Knock – Ding – Ding – Ding

  Not Again! Ah, I got up from my bed and went to the door. Opening it I see Sammy standing outside the door.

  “Really Samantha” I asked in my most irritated tone so that she knows that I am not happy with her.

  “Yes, this is your best friend. Who else did you expect?”

  “But it’s only 7 am in the morning, why did you come back so early”, I asked trying to wake my sleeping mind.

  “I gave you enough time and you know that was way higher than my limit”

  “Yes, I know”.

  “Now spill” she said walking to the living room.

  “Would you mind if I brush my teeth and get a shower first, it was a long night you know. And don’t you want to settle down first” I asked pointing at her luggage.

  “You have exactly ten minutes to do whatever you want”.

  “Oh, well thank you so much for your generosity your highness”.

  “Nine minutes”

  When she is like this I really hate her, but what can I say. After all, she is the only best friend I have and I can’t really blame her because what happened between Nolan and me is a big deal for her. She was there in every phase of my life with me.

  Sammy and I know each other from kindergarten, she was being bullied by two girls and I was there punching them in the nose and saving little Samantha and from that day on we were inseparable. She was there when I had my first crush on our English tutor in my junior high, who was ten years older than me. She was there with me when I had my first heartbreak when we saw Philip (the tutor) on his date with his girlfriend. She cried with me all night and when I swore off loving a guy again she took my revenge from the tutor who never knew that I was planning to be his wife and mother of his children in my head. She went to him the next day and kicked him in the balls and that is how we were grounded for the first time by our parents. Our fathers worked for the same company but different offices in West Virginia, so when Sammy’s parents invited us over dinner on her birthday we sort of became a second family.

  We went together to every school, undergrad and to graduate school as well, we took our degrees together from WVU in creative arts and at the age of twenty-one we moved to New York together for our jobs. She was the one who noticed Nolan checking me out in the office on our second day in office, and she was the reason we became friends and started dating. And today after three years of being with each other Nolan and I broke up, and one thing that hasn’t changed is Sammy. So, you know it is a big deal for her and she is a big deal for me, so I can’t blame her for being so impatient here.

  After doing my morning rituals and having a hot shower I was feeling relaxed, she had coffee ready on the table, and you see this is why I love her. She knows what I want and when I want it without me asking for it. She is the best.

  “Ok, so tell me what happened?”

  “You know when I told you that Nolan was behaving strangely from last year”, I started. She nodded.

  “I was getting suspicious the way he was late on our dates and talking on phone in low voices and sending text messages every now and then to a “New friend”, remember when I asked him who this friend was he simply said I never met this new friend of his. That new friend comes out to be Mrs. Linda Johnson”.

  “Holy cow, Boss’s wife Linda Johnson, That bastard” Sammy said in a rage when I nodded in confirmation.

  I know it wasn’t my fault, but it still hurts me that he did this to me, I thought I was being unreasonable and I felt so guilty that I was losing faith in my boyfriend. And what he did to me was cheating on me with our boss’s wife. ‘I am strong and I am not going to cry’, I chanted the mantra in my head.

  “But how did you know?”

  “I don’t know, there were some things out of places from months and I never noticed them, never paid close attention. But when I went to his apartment last week, there was a women scarf in his bedroom, but I kept it aside because you said I’m not being fair to him for suspecting anything, and then the other day there was a bouquet of lilies in his apartment that he said was for me”.

  “But you don’t like lilies”

  “That’s what I said, but he made it look like it was a mistake by the delivery boy and he said he is feeling bad about it, so I just said it was okay. But they were…..”

  “Ok I get it they were for him because he likes lilies”

  “I can’t believe Nolan can be such a douche bag” it was hard to believe for me too.

  “Yesterday when we were at the restaurant a waiter dropped juice over his jacket by mistake and he left his phone on the table and went to washroom. It was ringing so many times and I thought it may be important so I took the phone; it was Arthur I told him to call later. But when I was about to put the phone back then I saw a message from Linda Johnson and I was curious why boss’s wife was messaging Nolan” a shudder ran through my body remembering the message, “She said she was missing him and she enjoyed their sex last night”, it felt like I was stabbed at that time. He was fucking boss’s wife last night and today he had the courage to sit in front of me like I was his life. I didn’t want to continue it was so painful but I wanted to get it over with so I said, “I checked the previous messages and there were a hell lot of other things then missing. There were a few pictures she sent him over and a nudie of Mrs. Johnson on my boyfriend’s phone”.

  “OH MY GOD”

  I was trying to keep the tears out of my eyes but failing miserably. Sammy hugged me and was saying something like ‘it’s OK’ or something which I was not able to make out. I cried all I could and she held me like kids.

  “I put the phone back on the table and when he came back I told him that Arthur wanted a callback from him. I didn’t want to create a scene there so I didn’t say anything about the messages. And then he waved to a waiter and there was this guy with a guitar who came over and started singing ‘marry me’ and Nolan went down on his knee. He had the ring in his hand”, that was the most painful moment in my life watching my world shatter, watching the man I loved for three years with all my heart, the first real love of my life, not some junior high crush going down on one knee. And at that time I knew why heartbreak hurt so much. I can’t explain the pain I was feeling, it was like I couldn’t breathe anymore like there was a heavy weight on my chest. My stomach was tied in knots.

  I had always planned how I wanted my special day to be, my prince charming on his knee proposing me. When Nolan came to my life and we started dating I always adored him.

  I still remember the day when Sammy said that there was a cute guy 6’1, blonde hair, green eyes and a killer tanned body checking me out, I was amused to see Nolan when he asked me for coffee. Sammy was happy that I finally accepted a guys request to go out with him after my first heartbreak in ninth grade when I swore off the guys. She was so worried over high school and college that I will never date. I was the amazing girl in school and college who can be friends with boys but never accepted to date them, the forbidden queen. But when I said yes to Nolan for coffee Sammy was more excited than her date.

  Nolan took me to Joe for coffee and we were talking for four hours. It was so easy talking with Nolan, not that I am shy or anything, but there was this comfort level when we were talking. He told me he was twenty-four and works as the senior editor for the magazine. I told him about my family and about the things Sammy and I did together. He was crying from the laughter. I liked making him laugh it felt good. So, when the staff at Joe started eying us we collected our laughing asses from there and like a gentleman he dropped me at my apartment and promised for a repeat. The second date converted into a lunch date and then the third and on our sixth date Nolan said he loved me and I confessed my feelings too. Sammy was the first one to know and then everyone at the office knew. Everything was just perf
ect. Nolan loved me, cared for me and I loved him and cared for him. He promised me forever and I dreamt of that forever. When my mom and dad died two years back in a car accident Nolan was there for me by my side with Sammy. He was my rock. Sammy’s family took me in after my parent’s death and they and Nolan were the only families I had left.

  But this, this was never in the plan. This heartbreak, this was never my dream. I never thought I will be getting my heart shattered in pieces like this. What am I going to do now? There will be no forever with Nolan. I didn’t notice the tears that were flowing from my eyes until Sammy said that ‘it was going to be alright, we’ll fight it together and it was us against the world always’.

  ‘Yes, it was us against the world. I am strong and I am not going to cry’.

  I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I knew I was looking miserable like this crying like a baby. I promised myself yesterday I won’t cry because it’s not my fault, but my heart has stopped listening to me. The feeling of anger and disgust from yesterday has somehow converted to dread and loss like I have lost a part of my heart.

  Sammy broke my train of thoughts by confirming my thoughts, “Nikki, please don’t cry baby, that asshole is not worth your tears. I am always here for you, you know that right”.

  Only Sammy can combine baby and asshole in one sentence. And I love her; I know she will always be here for me. I have to get my shit together because she can’t take it anymore; she is not strong enough for my emotional breakdown. I am always the one playing strong and she is the one breaking down now and then, so she is not used to seeing me like this. I repeated my mantra ‘I am strong and I am not going to cry’ in my head and smiled weakly.

  “I know Sammy. I know u will always be here and I’ll always be there for you. Thank you”.

  “You don’t have to thank me for that. At least not now”, she said with a suggestive tone.

  That’s more like her I know there is going something in her evil head, so I asked.

  “What are you planning to do evil princess?” and the mode changed from sorrow to mischievous and I am feeling somewhat normal again.

  “Don’t know what you are talking about girl”.

  “Are you going to hit him in balls too evil princess?” I tried to say this with a straight face but lost it and we started laughing. After our laughing fit her face went straight and she asked, “Please tell me you kicked him in his balls after pulling that stunt”.

  “I slapped him and told him to go to hell and take Mrs. Johnson with him”.

  “I can’t believe you said that” she was shocked. Then she asked, “What did he say?”

  “Said that he loved me and it was a mistake and begged me for forgiveness. He said he’ll never talk to her again and I can’t do this to him because he loves me”.

  “I can’t believe he had that nerve to say all that, what a bastard”.

  “Yes”

  “What did you do then?”

  “I just came out of there and slept after talking to you. I switched off my phone”

  “Oh Nikki, I am so sorry”.

  “Nah! It’s OK, I’m OK”.

  “Hey get up and get ready”, Sammy said suddenly.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Out”

  “OK”

  And that is how we spent our Sunday mornings of heartbreak shopping and roaming around the city.

  IRRITATING BUT CARING BEST FRIEND